Steal Me...

Whenever I wear this necklace, I secretly long for someone to snatch it from my neck in a technicolour blackout, it seems to scream '60s spy drama. 

So when my contact at the Beeb suggests this wildcard at the last minute, "BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra at Glasgow City Halls", I crack the safe.

We have a lovely walk to the City Halls.

Scene...

As the lights dim, I stand up to take a picture but just as I'm about to press the button my companion starts violently prodding me. Assuming this is down to competitiveness because he hasn't thought to bring his camera, I press the button anyway. Oops, it's not allowed. No harm done.

Starts... 

In my imagination The City Halls metamorphose into Gotham City, myriad microphones hang down on wires as Donald Runicles' baton whips up a frenzy. We like the loud bits. Next up Mozart's 'Piano Concero No. 25 in C Major' (32 mins long). Centre stage two 'fluffers' are setting to work on the grand piano, raising the huge lid and generally lavishing it with attention. Pianist Shai Wosner walks on to rapturous applause and seats himself at the piano. His body moves in perfect time with the orchestra. When he has no parts to play, he strokes his fingers gently up and down the keys as though to keep them awake. Strange.

Don't know why but I just know this is better for you than the telly.

Interval.

The last piece is Ravel's 'Daphnis et Chloe: Ballet en Une Acte' (59 mins!). Behind the orchestra are the Edinburgh Festival Chorus who are about to get their moment. They rise from their seats holding large black songbooks which, held open at 90 degrees, look for all the world like bats! 


As they "oooh" and "aaah", things get more exciting, what looks like a traffic cone is being shoved down a tuba and there's something tombola-ish looking which sounds like a shower curtain. If I were to tweet what it sounded like then, "theme from Omen/dash of Old Spice music/blast of summer meadow = a cacophony of amazing-ness". Actually it seems like there are even more musicians than spectators, which feels somewhat indulgent. I try a head count but having just slammed a glass of red wine in the 15 minute interval, this proves seasick making. At least we don't have the ballet dancers who the piece was originally written to accompany, that would be too generous altogether.

One of the orchestra's cellists, Anthony Sayer, looks like Karl Lagerfeld which is slightly discombobulating but a couture house is the perfect analogy for this volume of lavishness and glorious indulgence.

Rapturous applause, (people actually shouted "Bravo"!)

Hey, you'll never guess what I spy in the Salvation Army Shop the very next day?...

A sign? Yes, would definitely slot in nicely beside the cocktail cabinet. Actually it wouldn't and I know it wouldn't. I bow out empty handed.

Necklace bought on Abergavenny Market for a holiday in St Tropez, £45...what a steal!

Anthony Sayer's excellent BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra blog

Have just checked and the next performance is at Glasgow City Halls tomorrow afternoon, Mendelssohn and Bruckner, May 6th at 2pm.